THE PARENTS

Wow, I really haven't posted anything on this blog for such a long time.

My dad is in the hospital. This time. It could be my mom. They seem to be taking turns getting admitted.

I talked to my Dad today, but he was so weak he could hardly talk. He has a condition which affects his muscles, including his diaphragm, so it made conversation difficult. My mom's memory is so bad that it's hard to talk to her. She can't remember what she just told you, and she can't remember what the doctors said, either, so you can't get any information about anything with any reliability from her.

I used to have these terrible nightmares when I was a kid. I dreamed my parents died. Now they are both in their early 80s and that possibility is definitely there. Unfortunately, I can't separate what is going on with my parents from what took place with Harry's mom before she died. She constantly got sick, was in and out of the hospital, and lost a little bit of her health bit by bit with each episode.

I am a Christian, and I believe in eternal life. I know my parents will go to heaven and be with God when they die. That being said, DEATH STINKS. They will not be here, and they will miss seeing future births, weddings, job promotions, and the stuff of life as it occurs in my life, my kids' lives, their kids' lives, etc. Eighty years seems so long until it is accomplished. It just doesn't seem possible that my parents have already lived that many years.

So I am walking around with a knot in my stomach. I hope my dad battles through this, comes home and we have him around for more years. I hope the doctors find a way to improve his quality of life. In the meantime, I feel as if I have passed through a door which will be forever shut behind me--the dread of realization that my parents are on borrowed time. I miss Hessie, and I don't want to have be missing my folks.

Death stinks.